default.that-hurt!

Jay Dunkle
Sep 5
2 min read

“I didn’t do anything, you kept moving, lost balance, and hurt yourself” - my 19-year-old son.

About a week ago, I was rolling with my son in Jiu-Jitsu. Keep in mind he’s 19 years old and a stone mason, so pound for pound, he’s definitely stronger, and I’m very young into my BJJ journey. I was passing his guard and all of a sudden my face was whirling toward the mat on his opposite side and my arm was wrapped in a very good (tight) kimura . He let me out and we looked at each other equally as surprised about what just very quickly happened. Well, me not learning my lesson the first time around, two nights ago I found myself in the same position. I was trying to pass his guard and ended up being in another nasty kimura armlock while my face was driven into the mat. So I tapped a little bit quicker this time, whirled up and had a little bit of anger for both myself and him. So I said, “Why did you do that, that really hurt!?” and he said back, “I didn’t do anything, you kept moving, lost balance, and hurt yourself.” Yes, he did lock up my arm, but it was my own movement and my own weight that caused me the pain and the submission.

You could say I’ve now learned my lesson and I’m keeping my arm tucked a little better whenever I’m trying that particular move so I don’t wind up in that situation again. Thinking back, there are certainly times in my life when in pain, anger and frustration I looked around for somebody to blame only to step back and realize that the only thing that changed was the way I was working through a presented issue or problem. No one was trying to hurt me. No one was being malicious or vengeful, I was just in a rough way for one reason or another and partly - or wholly - by my own volition. I needed to figure out how I could fix it and learn how to keep myself from getting in that position again. So anyone who is going through a rough time right now, don’t play the good-old blame-game quite yet. Backtrack some of your steps, seek out advise from a very trusted friend, and be open to the fact that your own actions or inactions just might be the reason your face is being driven into the mat of life. Take heart and learn from your mistakes. Don’t beat yourself up over them either. Believe me, the world will gladly take a few cheap shots of its own.

Have a great weekend, go outdoors, drink water and live your default.life!